Someone You Know Tested Positive For Coronavirus: 10 Tips on What To Say And Do
There is a high chance all of us will get a call/text/post at some stage to say someone we know has tested positive for the virus.*
I keep reading tips on how to deal with that moment and they usually go like this: wash your hands, stay away from them, get tested if you have symptoms, CALL THEM A LEPER CHOP OFF YOUR HANDS BATHE IN VODKA AND MOVE INTO A HOLE UNDER YOUR HOUSE. But the last time I checked we can’t wish this virus on our worst enemies (still waiting for that fun mix) and these are people that we love, or at least like/work with, and this could be the most scared (if not the most sick) they have ever been in their life. They need you to be kind, and understanding. They need you to be a good friend.
So, you have just heard someone in your life has tested positive for the coronavirus. You are talking to them via skype/text/private message/phonecall. Here are some tips:
1. Be kind – IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT that they have contracted this virus. They didn’t stay up all night brewing a viral concoction in their cauldron just to increase your anxiety levels and endanger their loved ones. COVID-19 can hit anyone, and it could have just as easily hit you. Even if they only half heartedly sang the birthday song while they washed their hands, or hugged an old friend when they should have practiced social distancing, they still deserve your compassion and empathy.
2. Don’t think of yourself (immediately). Of course it is natural for your brain to flick onto overdrive and scroll through the last sixteen times you had contact with them. Did you touch, shake hands, hug, swap air? Did they cough into your open mouth? Of course you care about the risk to yourself, we get that, but try and focus on your friend/loved one for one minute first. You can do all your tracing and detective work after you have finished the conversation.
3. ASK HOW THEY ARE. And then listen. They might tell you they are scared (because of the virus, because of isolation, because they don’t have enough provisions) or they might tell you they are worried about all the people they have seen before they knew they had it. They might have visited their elderly parents, or shared lunch with a friend whose child has cystic fibrosis. Their head will be spinning and this is incredibly painful stuff. Acknowledge it. Stay calm and stay with them (not physically obviously).
4. Stay regulated. Even if they have underlying health issues and even if they live with elderly family. You can feel sorry, and worried and sad. But it is not your time to fall apart. They don’t need to be consoling you right now, so keep your shit together even if they don’t.
5. Don’t hit them up with your views on the virus. It is likely they are talking to the two main types of people: the totally-blasé-its-just-a-flu-you’ll-be-right sort to the ITS-ARMEGEDDON-AND-WE-ARE-ALL-GOING-TO-DIE sort. Don’t be either of these people. Be the person who says ‘oh my goodness/holy shitballs, are you okay?’
Don’t be Trump on March 15th - ‘it’s just one guy from China with a cold’ and don’t be Trump on March 16th - ‘I knew it was a pandemic before anyone else.’ Just don’t be Trump.
6. Find out what they need. Can you drop them some dinner, some groceries, medicine or supplies? Do they need you to make some calls on their behalf and let others know what has happened? Do they need pet food, or their dog looked after for a few days? There are ways you can help without endangering yourself, and without dwindling your own provisions. Find those ways.
7. Let them know you will keep in touch (then actually keep in touch!). Text them, call them, Skype them. They need social contact, they need to know you care. They might not want to know about all the other mutual friends/colleagues that might have caught it from them so be careful with those kinds of updates. Some might want to be left alone for a while and as long as they are safe, that is okay too but check in every now and then, no matter what.
8. Remember when they get the all clear, they may be a different person coming out of it than how they went in. They might feel anxious in social settings, or hyper aware of germs/people coughing/touching. They might have some health issues from the virus itself. They might have some serious grief, loss and trauma. Give them time and space if they want it. Remind them to seek help if they need it.
9. Don’t talk about them behind their back. This is not the time for gossip. This is not the time to discuss their hygiene, their life choices or tweet a list of their social distancing downfalls. If you are informing others about the news, talk them through the sorts of things on this list and model it yourself. If other people act horrified and say extreme or dramatic things (like ‘I’m going to tell my kid to never play with their kid again’) try and be the voice of reason and humanity.
10. They might not get the all clear, or some of their loved ones might not. This virus can claim lives and it can take beautiful people from this world in awful circumstances. Take care of yourself, be kind to others, and hold on.
Keep in mind that waiting for test results can be an extremely anxious time. Us humans don’t do well when we don’t know what is going on or what is going to happen. Most people will feel very distressed about all the what if’s (getting sick, passing on the virus, financial security) and may spiral. Again with the listening and acknowledging, and help them find ways to pass the time and keep distracted (online games you can play together, dropping off jigsaw puzzles etc). If they are in the blasé/denial phase, do your best to convince them to keep quarantined until they know for sure. They might need strategies for getting supplies if they have been taken by surprise, you can come up with some ideas together.